Stop Taking Each Other for Granted: The Power of Appreciation in Long-Term Love

It’s so easy to slip into autopilot in a long-term relationship. You get used to your partner being there — the one who unloads the dishwasher, takes the dog out, picks up the kids, pays the bills, or makes your coffee just the way you like it. And because they do it so often, you stop noticing.

But here’s the truth: every relationship needs appreciation like a plant needs sunlight. Without it, even the best partnerships start to wilt.

As a therapist, I see this all the time. Couples come in saying they feel “disconnected” or “like roommates,” and when we dig deeper, one of the biggest issues is that they’ve stopped seeing each other. They’ve stopped saying thank you. They’ve stopped noticing the little things.

Appreciation is more than good manners — it’s emotional glue. It’s what keeps people feeling valued, seen, and motivated to keep giving their best to each other. When you feel appreciated, you naturally want to show up more.

Here are a few ways to bring appreciation back into your relationship:

1. Say it out loud.
Don’t assume your partner knows you’re grateful. Tell them. “Thanks for grabbing dinner tonight.” “I really appreciate how hard you’re working lately.” “You make our house feel like home.” Simple words can shift the entire energy between you.

2. Notice the small stuff.
Everyone wants acknowledgment for the big gestures, but what really matters day to day are the small ones. The text they sent to check on you. The coffee they made. The way they handle the things you don’t like doing. Naming those moments builds goodwill.

3. Express it your way.
Not everyone feels loved through words. Maybe your appreciation shows up as touch — a hand on their back, a long hug — or through acts of service, like doing something that lightens their load. Know your partner’s love language and use it often.

4. Remember that appreciation isn’t flattery.
It’s not about blowing smoke or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about seeing the effort behind what your partner does and letting them know it matters.

5. Practice gratitude even when you’re annoyed.
There will always be things that frustrate you. But relationships thrive when gratitude gets at least as much airtime as complaints. Before you point out what’s missing, take a second to name what’s good.

Love isn’t sustained by grand gestures — it’s built on the quiet, daily moments of recognition. The “thank you for doing that.” The “I see how hard you’re trying.” The “I don’t say it enough, but I appreciate you.”

Start there, and you’ll be amazed at how it softens the edges between you.

I write about this and so much more on my Substack, Secrets from a Therapist. It’s where I share the deeper side of my work — insights about relationships, connection, and my life as a therapist and author. Subscribe for free here.