Couples Therapist & Relationship Expert
Is something missing? Do you feel stuck, or long for more emotional intimacy with your partner?
You’re not alone—there is nothing wrong with you.
It is possible to transform your relationship with Self-Connected Communication.
By gaining a better understanding of your core needs, and developing strong communication skills, it is possible to establish an authentic partnership with meaningful connection, depth, and vulnerability.
I know, because I’ve lived it.
How I Got Here: My Story
When I met my first husband, he was even keeled and preternaturally calm, coming from a relentlessly polite Southern family who never got upset about anything. I absolutely freaking loved it.
Coming from a divorced family, this was just what I was looking for. As a child, I had witnessed too much fighting and grew up determined to have the perfect conflict-free marriage one day. The lack of stability in my home also meant I was vulnerable to attaching quickly and deeply. When I met my ex-husband, I latched onto the promise of creating a family of my own, convinced we’d be eternally happy, as long as we were conflict free and I didn’t push for deeper connection.
After college, we moved to Florida for his job and created a life that was as perfect as I’d imagined from the outside looking in.
We had all the hallmarks of cliched, external success: two kids, a wide circle of like-minded friends, the country club membership, nice vacations, and two matching SUVs parked in front of the proverbial white picket fence. Had social media existed at the time, it would have made a great reel.
I’d given up what little career I’d had to stay home with the kids…
as long as I went along with the unspoken contract of being a good wife, which meant looking good, having a smile on my face and expressing no negative feelings or complaints, then everything was fine. But my loneliness wouldn’t go away and only grew bigger with time.
As I got older and started to really know myself, I discovered that I wanted connection more than I wanted to avoid conflict.
Things had started to change after I had children and I was no longer content to sacrifice my emotional needs. I had been living in silent resentment as the distance between us grew. I didn’t know how to express myself, and he wasn’t willing to meet me in that vulnerable place. We tried going to marriage counseling but the therapist we saw wasn’t properly trained to work with couples and did more harm than good. It wasn’t the issues that destroyed us in the end, it was the profound disconnection that developed because we didn’t know how to talk about things.
People thought I was crazy for getting divorced and giving up such a “cush” life.
While it’s true I had no immediate means of supporting myself, I wanted a life of meaning and integrity. I realized I craved a relationship with depth and substance. But I knew I needed to learn how to do my part better: to get in touch with my feelings, get clear about my own needs, and express what I longed for in an emotionally mature, healthy way. As I reflected on my own contributions, I began to grow in earnest. I went to therapy, dated other people, and tried different career paths. I also made lots of mistakes along the way.
As that happened personally, a tiny spark of an idea grew into an ember of possibility on the professional front, and I realized something good could come out of this painful journey.
My bad experience in couples therapy had inspired me to go back to school to become a couples therapist myself. I wanted to help people learn to do it differently without having to get divorced or make as many painful mistakes as I had. I felt a calling to help others create meaningful relationships with depth, emotional intimacy and healthy communication skills put into practice daily.
I met my current husband when I was finally ready for something healthy and different.
Here was the man with whom I could build the kind of real, authentic relationship I wanted and needed—a partner who was willing to get into the trenches with me. I’ve been with my husband for more than a decade now and our relationship is loving and respectful, sometimes flawed and maddening too. We’ve been through a lot, blending families with four now-adult daughters between us. It hasn’t always been easy, but we’re a great team.
I learned that no matter how my partner behaves, I always have a choice.
I had to learn things the hard way, but you don’t have to. You can learn why you’re getting stuck in your relationship and how self-protection may be blocking connection. You’ll be able to identify old wounds that are unconsciously playing out in the present and connect to your core vulnerable needs. When you know the best way to approach your partner, you can express your feelings and needs in a way that invites deeper connection and fosters emotional intimacy.
Sometimes, working with a relationship expert can help you see things that you might not be able to on your own. I can teach you the science behind what's really going on and how to make sustainable changes. Are you ready to claim the love and connection you crave?