Five Phrases You Should Never Say in Your Relationship—and Why They Destroy Emotional Safety

Some phrases land like a punch to the gut. We say them in moments of overwhelm, when our nervous system is flooded, or when we’re so frustrated that the words tumble out before we can catch them.

They’re human and common, but they’re also corrosive. They chip away at emotional safety, and when emotional safety starts to erode, connection gets thinner and harder to rebuild.

Here are five phrases that do real damage to the bond you’re trying to protect, and why they matter so much.

1. “I can’t do this anymore.”

This one hits with finality. Even if it’s spoken out of frustration and not true intention, it creates fear and instability. Your partner starts to feel like the entire relationship is hanging by a thread and that one wrong move will end everything. That level of threat shuts down vulnerability and makes true repair almost impossible.

2. “Why can’t you be more like so-and-so?”

Comparison is a shortcut to shame. It makes your partner feel small and not enough. Instead of pulling the two of you closer, it plants competition right in the center of the relationship. Nothing healthy grows from comparison. It disconnects you faster than almost anything else.

3. “Whatever. Do what you want.”

This sounds quiet, but the message is loud. It’s emotional withdrawal. It says, I’m checked out, and it shuts down any chance of repair. What your partner hears is, I’m done engaging with you. Over time, this kind of distancing creates loneliness inside a relationship that still looks intact from the outside.

4. “You always…” or “You never…”

Absolutes attack character instead of behavior. They ignite defensiveness on the spot. When you tell someone they always or never do something, you’re not describing a moment. You’re describing their identity. That makes your partner feel like nothing they do will ever be enough, and the conversation gets derailed instantly.

5. “F* you.”

We’ve all had moments where the overwhelm spills over. But contempt is one of the biggest predictors of relationship breakdown. It sends a message of disrespect and disgust, and once contempt enters a conversation, connection shuts down. Repair gets a lot harder when contempt is in the room.

What to Do Instead

The point isn’t perfection. It’s awareness. When you can slow yourself down enough to notice what’s rising in you, you can choose a way of speaking that keeps the door to connection open instead of slamming it shut.

When hard moments happen—and they will—you have more power than you think. Your tone, your language, and your ability to stay grounded all shape the emotional safety between you.

Want more support with communication, conflict, and staying connected through the hard moments?

You can get weekly guidance, tools, and stories in my free Substack newsletter Secrets from a Therapist. I share deeper insights, relationships advice, and the behind the scenes of my life as a therapist and author. Subscribe here: Secrets from a Therapist